Holidays and Grief: Finding Comfort,
Connection, and Hope

The holiday season often arrives with an expectation of warmth, connection, and celebration.
Yet for many people, this time of year also brings a quiet ache—one tied to loss, change, or the
absence of someone who once made the season feel complete.
As a counselor, I regularly see how the holidays can stir up grief in ways that feel surprising,
confusing, or even overwhelming.
You’re not alone if this time of year brings up complex emotions—grief simply has its own
rhythm, and the holidays often bring those feelings to the surface.

The holidays carry a unique emotional weight. They are deeply tied to memories, rituals, and expectations, which means they naturally bring reminders of who or what has changed. You may notice grief showing up more intensely during this season for several reasons:

1. Traditions highlight absence.

Lighting the tree, cooking a favorite dish, gathering with
family—these rituals can remind us of who is missing, or how life has shifted.

2. There is pressure to “feel festive.”

When it seems like everyone around you is
celebrating, it can make your own grief feel more pronounced or isolating.

3. Memories are more vivid.

Holiday seasons often mark milestones, routines, and
special moments. These memories can surface unexpectedly and stir deep emotional
responses.

4. Changes in family dynamics stand out.

Divorce, estrangement, illness, relocation, or
significant life transitions may feel more noticeable when everyone is expected to come
together.

5. The year’s end encourages reflection.

This natural pause can bring awareness to
what has changed—relationships, health, identity, or roles within the family.

 

Grief during the holidays isn’t always tied to the loss of a loved one. Many people grieve the loss of relationships, hopes, stability, routines, or versions of themselves. Whatever the source, the feelings are valid.

Loss comes in many forms, and each can shape how the holidays feel. Many people struggle
with the loss of a loved one, whether recent or long ago, but grief can also stem from the end of
a relationship, such as a breakup or divorce, or from a loss of connection with family due to
estrangement or conflict.
Health challenges—either your own or someone you care about—can
alter your ability to participate in traditions, while changes in identity or life roles, like becoming
an empty nester or retiring, may shift your sense of purpose during the season.
Loss can also come from disrupted routines, financial instability, relocation, or other major life changes.
Sometimes it emerges as the loss of a dream or expectation for what the holidays “should” look
like, anticipatory grief when caring for someone who is ill, or even the loss of community due to
changing friendships or isolation.
Recognizing the many ways loss can appear helps validate
why the holidays can feel heavy, even when the source of grief isn’t obvious to others.

 

While grief can make the holidays feel different, using thoughtful coping strategies can help you
navigate the season with comfort, connection, and meaning.

1. Emotional Coping Strategies

Allow Yourself to Feel:

Give yourself permission to experience sadness, nostalgia, anger, or even fleeting moments of
joy. Emotions are valid, and they don’t need to be fixed immediately. Journaling can be
especially helpful: write down memories, feelings, or messages to your loved one.
Practice Self-Compassion:

Speak to yourself as you would a close friend. Remind yourself: “It’s okay to feel this way. I’m
doing my best.” Avoid self-criticism or expectations to “perform” happiness.

Reframe Thoughts:

If you catch yourself thinking, “I shouldn’t feel sad,” try reframing: “It’s normal to feel grief during
the holidays, and I can still create moments of comfort.” Cognitive reframing helps reduce
internal pressure and guilt.

2. Rituals and Memory Practices

Create Meaningful Rituals:

• Light a candle or display a photo in memory of a loved one.
• Prepare a meal or favorite treat that reminds you of them.
• Write a letter, make a memory box, or dedicate a holiday ornament.
• Start a new tradition that incorporates both remembrance and joy, like taking a reflective
  walk or volunteering in their honor.

Blend Old and New Traditions:
Adapt familiar rituals to fit your current reality. For example, if you usually host a large family
dinner, try a smaller gathering or a virtual celebration that still honors the essence of the
tradition.

3. Practical Self-Care Strategies

Maintain Routines:

Sleep, nutrition, and physical activity form the foundation of emotional resilience. Disrupted
routines can amplify grief, so prioritize consistency where possible.
Gentle Physical Movement:
Even short walks, stretching, or yoga can help regulate your nervous system, relieve stress,
and create a sense of control.

Mindful Breaks:

Intersperse your holiday activities with moments of presence. Breathing exercises, meditation,
or sensory grounding (noticing five things you see, four you touch, three you hear, etc.) help you
stay connected to the present rather than getting swept away by emotion.

Limit Overstimulation:

Avoid overwhelming social gatherings, excessive shopping, or overcommitment. Give yourself
permission to step away when needed.

4. Social and Community Support

Reach Out to Trusted People:

Even brief connections with friends or family who understand your grief can provide comfort
and perspective.

Use Your Support Network Strategically:

Plan ahead—identify who you can call, visit, or spend time with during emotionally challenging
moments. Sometimes a brief check-in or shared meal is enough to feel grounded.

Communicate Your Needs Clearly:

Let loved ones know what feels helpful—whether it’s listening, company, or quiet space. They
likely want to support you but may not know how.

Join Support Groups or Counseling:

Professional support can make a significant difference, especially during the holidays when
emotions are more active. Counseling provides a safe place to process your feelings,
understand your grief, learn coping skills, and reduce the sense of isolation. Support groups
offer community with others who understand the unique challenges of grieving during the
holidays. Both provide validation, guidance, and connection at a time when many people
need it most.

5. Creative and Reflective Strategies

Journaling or Letter Writing:

Express memories, thoughts, or messages to your loved one. This can be a private emotional
release or a ritualized act during a holiday moment.

Art and Music Therapy:

Drawing, painting, or crafting allows expression without words. Listening to or playing music
tied to positive memories can evoke connection and comfort.

Memory Sharing:

If appropriate, share stories of your loved one with family or friends. This validates the loss and
strengthens relational bonds.

6. Coping with Triggers

Identify Potential Triggers:

Certain events, songs, smells, or gatherings may evoke strong emotions. Recognizing triggers
in advance helps you plan your response.
Have a Coping Toolkit Ready:

• Short walks or outdoor time
• Mindfulness or breathing exercises
• A supportive friend to call
• A journal or creative activity

Plan Exits Strategically:

It’s okay to step away from a gathering if emotions become overwhelming. Excusing yourself
for a walk, a quiet room, or a brief phone call can prevent escalation.

7. Maintaining Hope and Joy Alongside Grief

Celebrate Small Moments:

Even a small laugh, enjoyable meal, or meaningful conversation can coexist with grief. Joy
doesn’t negate your love or loss—it is part of healing.

Practice Gratitude and Reflection:

Identify simple things that bring comfort or peace—a warm drink, a cozy blanket, or a favorite
song. Reflection and gratitude exercises can help balance difficult emotions with gentle
positivity.

Be Gentle With Yourself:

Expect fluctuations in mood and energy. Grief is non-linear; some days will feel lighter, others
heavier. Treat each day as it comes.